Tears and Glimmers

  I don't have monkeys on my back Oh no, they be gremlins cause CPTSD Is a frozen hell within in the belly of the crying child lost in the dark out in the wild A corroding battery sold to the sin cures in gin and burns within like fire and ice churning in my gut blocked by histamine pills antacids and what pride, or self love or lack of luck Or ravens, or doves... Only universe above knows the real pain In the hub Of the innermost part Of my heart Of my bleeding will to love When the darkness hits the trees in the forest of my soul in the whispers It be told as the danger lurks in the cold There’s the axe meant to grind meant to spill all the wine down sewage pipes or to cook a swine And on the sills Of the windows to my soul are dried up tears from a grueling 38 years Of broken mirrors and hidden mold Each year a nick mark from a shard to a scar that must beam light through the tunnel with all the might I have left to fight this contentious plight My scars must beam the ...

We can be the kings and queens of our dreams No matter how hard what's around us may seem Just live to dream and so dream to live respected for you are and what you have to give Never give up and creating your fair chance rise above denigration and baby you'll dance S.R. Ashcraft 2017

These magickal tears are full of unsaid pain that can then be transformed from defiance  against inner shame  when acid rained down on me   as an innocent, not to blame I did what I could to survive and trauma scars were the name of the game and they've been inside me festering in time and to squeeze out the poison by enough love to defiantly shine is prime amid the shadows haunting me and the covered windows blocking me I cry out upon seeing a light lost in me to the cold outer breeze I speak out my truth without fear of scorn and I now cry these tears not embittered but sweetly born from affirmation; I survived feat after feat after feat yes they magickally declare the inner care for the wellness of my dreams in ways that can still mean they be carried out, and seen in truth and in love though maybe not   in the original ways I had once dreamed of but to grieve the old dreams and to come to accept today's me and without the embittered darkness I thought h...

She called me a junkie not even my name yeah, she called me a junkie for shame! I'm in pain from a genetic disorder that gnaws my bones like freezing rain and it's only humane to keep sane by taming pain but she called me a junkie to name me with shame so that she could arrange her nasty smear campaign though how can I be blamed for needing relief from this pain Well she planned to play that game cause she wanted to drain my dignity, my soul and she did so in vain because I am something different to what she has lain on her putrid, iron table of sadistic hooks and chains that depict her ugly heart full of hate and disdain twisting ones' harsh afflictions to sourness that'll wane into white light that'll stain her cruel, rotten soul she is the bane of the kind of human behavior earth must not host on it's planes yes, she's nothing but a demon littering grounds with vomit stains spewed about when torrid jealousy courses through her cold blooded veins and so fo...

 Alone amid a heap a pile of sleeping sheep they don't hear my cries but when they wake  they'll give a superficial 'hi'  but when there's something I really need they're off to heed another deed how can it be am I worthy the poison of this hurt seems in me it bleeds in me til I don't want to be      

When I dreamt of rainbows  With my naive crystal heart I could never have imagined  How my life would come apart Now this weathered crystal heart  Is full of scratches, full of fractures Though it's reaching for the light  Because It longs try to and capture That little light  Still living in me Then my soul's rainbows  Can be Free   June 26 2023